I see a trend…

The trend is woman needing support.

Why can’t we be strong and find strength within ourselves? Too many of us are crying real tears and don’t know where to turn to because “he was just not that into us”. Or he was just too obsessed with us.

Come on, women. Let’s rise above what is considered the norm. We are not as weak as we look. We are not as weak as they think. We are not as weak as we have been made to believe. The physical, mental and emotional strength a woman exudes during childbirth and labour tells me that there is much more within a woman than what meets the eye. Ladies, when ya’ll look in the mirror, I dare you to look beyond the physical attributes you see. Your ideas are probably warped because you are probably comparing yourself to another woman you deem more beautiful than you. While beauty is much more than physical but true beauty comes from within. That’s the first thing we have to change. What we consider beautiful. Because most times we exclude ourselves because we don’t fit the “mould” painted by the media.

Women arise.

I am on the journey.Louise 20170618_214827

Advertisements

A day like…

One of those odd days I wonder about my life and where it’s headed. Thoughts of the future and what it will turn out to be. One would expect excitement but what I sense mostly is fear. I long for the days where I was the “carefree” girl with half or none of the stressful thoughts I have now. I long to know exactly where I’m going and what I’m destined to do.

My thoughts are in disarray.

I find myself comparing my life to those I consider living comfortably and blissfully in a spacious house in a safe neighbourhood. While I endure the discomfort of the unsafe streets I walk down daily, to get the bus/taxi to work. Wishing it could come sooner that I could comfortably drive myself.

The funny thing is… I have fears already lined up before that has even happened. 

Believe me. I know that fear is unhealthy. I know that well.

How petty. There are homeless people. There are people that cannot walk on their own. Or even walk at all. And here I am having these thoughts. Complaining and not counting my blessings. 

I think. As people we are always searching for the next best thing. How many of us are ever really satisfied with what we have? Yes. There are people that have much more or better. But there are ones that have much less or worse. Will we ever be fulfilled or satisfied? There are things that money can’t buy. Like good health. But yet we complain. We complain and long for things that money can buy while the fact that we make it to another day in priceless. Another day in a body fully functional. While someone out there had it different.

My thoughts are in disarray. 

I elaborated on one thought now. With not much energy to go into the rest. Each thought requires something different from me. Something deep. Something deeply different.

Not now.

I further believe…

When you start cultivating the culture of “working your way into” someones heart you are in for a lifetime of doing so. Are you sure that you always want to question whether you really “made it in”? People have somehow placed a sense of accomplishment to “breaking down the walls” of guarded people. But there is a huge price to pay for this. And that price is losing love that should be given you freely (settling for less than you deserve) and even losing the love you have for yourself. Do you realise that the other person has to exert absolutely no effort and almost never has to show you any love because you have conditioned him to only receive it with absolutely no effort and conditioned yourself to believe that any love from him will take work. That you will have to earn it. You see, the danger of “breaking down walls” is that you have subconsciously accepted that you have to work to get into someones heart. Basically that you need to prove yourself worthy of their love and safe enough to trust with their heart just because they had chosen in the past and found themselves hurt. You decide that you will do all that is necessary to get a place in their hearts. This always leaves you wondering what it is you have done wrong or what is wrong within you that does not allow this person to love you. You start believing that you are not worthy of love. Not realizing that their inability to accept and give love was present long before you came. That you actually have absolutely nothing to do with the situation at hand. But you start projecting all the toxic on yourself.

You even say the 3 words: “I love you”. And before he responds you had already resolved in your heart that he will not respond accordingly. You have accepted much less than you deserve. The first time you accepted that was the time you let him know that not returning your love is okay.

When your self-worth and the love for yourself starts to be in question you gotta know that the situation has become toxic and can lead to self destruction. Loving a toxic person can be detrimental. Because of the purity of love and the fact that it naturally covers a multitude of sins we overlook and allow alot of things we should never allow. The characteristics of love don’t change based on the situation or person we choose to love. We CHOOSE. We decide whether we will accept any form of treatment. Love is a choice. Once it becomes merely an emotion it’s in question. Emotions are misleading and could keep us in toxic situations. We should not be controlled by our emotions but control our emotions. Love is a choice. And we decide who we want to love. We gotta make sure that we love ourselves and know how much God loves us before we’ll be safe loving anyone else. Also, We gotta know what real love is. If we don’t know God. We don’t know love because He is Love.

I believe…

Ever wondered what happens when love is not returned? Do you know and realise that there are real things that people suffer that warrant the emotional state they find themselves in. But you? How dare you make such a big deal just because someone does not feel the same way you do about them. Now, I’m not trying to be insensitive and it must hurt and I understand that but let me tell you that your life is not about to end. This is not as tragic as you make it out to be. You gotta realise that your worth and who you are does not change just because someone does not return your affection. Know and realise that this is just a moment in your life that has occurred for a reason.  Tomorrow, next week or next month you could meet someone and start growing in love for that person and they could feel the same. And your capacity to love will grow and it will be returned. And you know what? You will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they love you because you know exactly what it feels and looks like when someone doesn’t. You gotta take the good from every situation. Take the lesson. Sometimes we have to suffer the bad in order to know the good.

 

Your ability and capacity to love is an absolute amazing thing and who you choose to shower this upon does not change the beauty of it. Whether that person feels the same or not. We so easily lose hope and self-worth just because someone does not love us the same. We start looking within ourselves asking what’s wrong and tryna find the fault we think they find that prevents them from loving us. We beat ourselves down. Not realizing that love overcomes alot of things even deep rooted flaws and imperfections. If anything, we ought to know that no amount of anything stops our love so why do we expect the love of someone else to be based on our good behaviour or be measured by our flaws and imperfections? We sell ourselves short most of the time. We determine what we deserve. We decide what kind of treatment we should get.

 

And maybe that’s why we are in this mess in the first place. Maybe we should ask ourselves how we ended up in this position on the brink of self-loathing just because someone does not love us. Why did we let things get so far when surely there were warning signs that this person does not even feel the slightest bit the way we do? How did it get this far? Is it then that we subconsciously started working extra hard to earn the love we feel we deserve while we give it freely?

 

Not everyone’s heart is open to receive love. From anyone. Do you realise that there are people walking around with virtual high walls around their guarded hearts. Absolutely nothing gets in. Even when you “break down those walls”. You find that it’s still “guarded”. What do you do now? You walk away. “Breaking down walls” is one thing. But removing the guard has to be done by the person guarding it. It’s a decision that they have to make. It’s a choice and absolutely nothing you ever do will change that. At this point you will find that you are about to try and force your way into the heart of a person. Don’t you realise that none of us should ever have to force ourselves into the heart of another. We are all made with the ability to love and open our hearts to people. Some are just completely scarred and have been hurt along the way of life by various things and this causes them to choose to guard their hearts and put walls around it because of unresolved issues. This is gonna cause suffering for whoever attempts to find a place in this person’s heart because they will be hit with rejection. They will come to find this place under lock down and the irony is that they will start looking within themselves for the fault. This is where their self- worth is in question. The confusion starts and slowly but surely they become a slave to the person they “love”. I think this is where narcissism/codependancy and unhealthy relationships of every kind begins.

 

When all you do is love a person and find yourself in the abovementioned position you better leave before the start of the abovementioned results.

One of those days…

​As I ponder the memories and wonder why today I suddenly miss him terribly. I was okay yesterday and the day before and last week. And even last month.


It’s amazing how you can meet someone and instantly allow yourself to feel drawn to them. After all, I believe it’s a choice. I believe we choose who we want to be drawn to because of our various preferences. Though alot of us like to believe it’s all unexplainable and really “just happens”. I really believe we choose to love and don’t just fall. Falling claims we had absolutely nothing to do with it. And, again, it’s something that “just happened”.


Over time I have realised that I had chosen to love for various reasons known or unknown to me. As much as I could brush off unwanted attention, I surely was in control of wanted attention. I have preferences. As we all do. Some I believe are subconscious.


I would have called myself  “in love” about 2 months ago. With someone I got to know 5 months before and met just over a month before that. It all happened so fast. Because I allowed it. I let him in because I chose to.


I made a few mistakes… That I have learned from.

After lessons like this before and knowing some of it, I still made the mistake…

I believe that mistakes after knowledge means something is still not fully understood.


I overlooked some things I did not agree with and I think it’s because I liked him so much. We tend to favour and overlook red flags because we like someone. We all do that. Sometime or another. And that is how we find ourselves in situations we could have otherwise prevented.


I have learned…

Expression of thoughts, ideas and beliefs with words are not enough and should never be the only thing we measure someones character on. Actions are necessary. It’s very easy to talk the talk but much different to walk the walk.


Sometimes we will be drawn to who we think people are based on what they have said. Only to find that they are not that person yet and probably will never be. That’s why we “fall for potential”. We see all the man could be. While blinded to who he is right now. Who he is right now will determine who you’ll be to him. If he still wants to fool around, you’ll probably be the one he fools around with. If he’s mature, pass fooling around, knows who he is and wants to settle down… You’ll probably be the one he does that with.


Not everyone will see your worth and that is a tough pill you will have to swallow. It hurts when someone sees you as less than what you are and treats you accordingly but you gotta know that your value does not change because of someones inability to see your worth. That’s a quote you have probably heard or read before but has to be something you truly start believing or it will always be “just another quote”.


The way someone treats you is merely a reflection of who they are, while we draw so much from the behaviour of others toward us that we base our self-worth on their actions. We ought to stop. Never measure your worth based on the behaviour of someone else. Set clear boundaries with regards to what you will allow and defend yourself. But never ever base/measure your worth according to how someone treats you.


As we are all on the journey of finding ourselves daily and learning what it means to be a woman, we will make mistakes and we will have victories. I have come to learn to take pride in who I am,  a woman regardless of my failures and bad decisions. None of us come out unscathed, we all have battle scars to show. And our scars are all different, our experiences are all different but we all have the chance to change the narrative. To change our stories. To learn (all we can) and try our best to do things differently.


To be continued…

xx