One of those odd days I wonder about my life and where it’s headed. Thoughts of the future and what it will turn out to be. One would expect excitement but what I sense mostly is fear. I long for the days where I was the “carefree” girl with half or none of the stressful thoughts I have now. I long to know exactly where I’m going and what I’m destined to do.

My thoughts are in disarray.

I find myself comparing my life to those I consider living comfortably and blissfully in a spacious house in a safe neighbourhood. While I endure the discomfort of the unsafe streets I walk down daily, to get the bus/taxi to work. Wishing it could come sooner that I could comfortably drive myself.

The funny thing is… I have fears already lined up before that has even happened. 

Believe me. I know that fear is unhealthy. I know that well.

How petty. There are homeless people. There are people that cannot walk on their own. Or even walk at all. And here I am having these thoughts. Complaining and not counting my blessings. 

I think. As people we are always searching for the next best thing. How many of us are ever really satisfied with what we have? Yes. There are people that have much more or better. But there are ones that have much less or worse. Will we ever be fulfilled or satisfied? There are things that money can’t buy. Like good health. But yet we complain. We complain and long for things that money can buy while the fact that we make it to another day in priceless. Another day in a body fully functional. While someone out there had it different.

My thoughts are in disarray. 

I elaborated on one thought now. With not much energy to go into the rest. Each thought requires something different from me. Something deep. Something deeply different.

Not now.

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